So today was going to go one of two ways easy peasy or teeth gnashing, hand wringing. Luckily it went the easy peasy way - Phew!
Seriously I struggle to contemplate if I could have drunk today. I had so much to drink yesterday, yet worryingly did not have a hangover AGAIN, that really does bother me. I woke up after a pretty restless boozy sleep and lay there pleased that I had reached today. I am on a first day pink cloud that I think is just sheer relief that I am not filling up on alcohol again. I don't expect it to be all sunshine and roses every day but just to have an anguish free first day is great.
I will say that my body does feel a bit wrecked and internally I am sure it is way more than just a bit wrecked but I am taking it very easy today and tomorrow. No plans bigger than walking my dogs although today was a real struggle as I felt like a balloon on legs I am so bloated. I am downing lots of fluids today to start the flush and hopefully I can lose some of the bloat in the next few days. I am my biggest ever!! 4lbs heavier than I have ever been which whilst not surprising is silly and ridiculous considering I lost 45 lbs and have gained back 49.
I am a bit bored today, not really interested in the TV and feel too antsy to start the book I got for Christmas. It is that body hangover thing where you just feel a bit disconnected and detached. I may call it quits early tonight and end the day as soon as possible. I keep checking the blog stats thing as I am obsessed with how many people have read my post yesterday and I have been a bit freaked out by it, especially since I emptied some of the contents of my mind and even said how worried I was to expose myself. Well it's out there and I haven't self combusted yet and truth be told I can't even say I regret it too much but I am still freaked out about how people found it and seemed to have read it. It scares me to be honest but then that is a whole other dysfunctional mindset I have about "big brother" watching our every move etc. 2 years ago I would not even have commented on a blog as I would be putting my private thoughts into the public domain but now I seem to have jumped right into exposure therapy.
I am very uninspiring today and probably quite boring to read so I will leave it for now. Ask me today and I will say I will never drink again but I know only too well that some time maybe soon the voices will start again"why not have one and start again Jan 1st, that's a good day" or something along those lines. What a terrible thing addiction is, so sneaky and manipulative.