Sunday, 27 December 2015

Day 1 - Again! let's face it there have been many day 1's

So today was going to go one of two ways easy peasy or teeth gnashing, hand wringing. Luckily it went the easy peasy way - Phew!

Seriously I struggle to contemplate if I could have drunk today. I had so much to drink yesterday, yet worryingly did not have a hangover AGAIN, that really does bother me. I woke up after a pretty restless boozy sleep and lay there pleased that I had reached today. I am on a first day pink cloud that I think is just sheer relief that I am not filling up on alcohol again. I don't expect it to be all sunshine and roses every day but just to have an anguish free first day is great.

I will say that my body does feel a bit wrecked and internally I am sure it is way more than just a bit wrecked but I am taking it very easy today and tomorrow. No plans bigger than walking my dogs although today was a real struggle as I felt like a balloon on legs I am so bloated. I am downing lots of fluids today to start the flush and hopefully I can lose some of the bloat in the next few days. I am my biggest ever!! 4lbs heavier than I have ever been which whilst not surprising is silly and ridiculous considering I lost 45 lbs and have gained back 49. 

I am a bit bored today, not really interested in the TV and feel too antsy to start the book I got for Christmas. It is that body hangover thing where you just feel a bit disconnected and detached. I may call it quits early tonight and end the day as soon as possible. I keep checking the blog stats thing as I am obsessed with how many people have read my post yesterday and I have been a bit freaked out by it, especially since I emptied some of the contents of my mind and even said how worried I was to expose myself. Well it's out there and I haven't self combusted yet and truth be told I can't even say I regret it too much but I am still freaked out about how people found it and seemed to have read it. It scares me to be honest but then that is a whole other dysfunctional mindset I have about "big brother" watching our every move etc. 2 years ago I would not even have commented on a blog as I would be putting my private thoughts into the public domain but now I seem to have jumped right into exposure therapy.

I am very uninspiring today and probably quite boring to read so I will leave it for now.  Ask me today and I will say I will never drink again but I know only too well that some time maybe soon the voices will start again"why not have one and start again Jan 1st, that's a good day" or something along those lines. What a terrible thing addiction is, so sneaky and manipulative. 

Peace out

Ginger Groundhog

5 comments:

  1. You are not boring to read. Putting yourself out there on your blog is scary, I know, but you can use it to get your feelings out, and I know you will inspire people with your honesty. Annie x

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    1. Thanks Annie, I am so glad you were the first person ever to comment on my blog. Today is a struggle for me after easy peasy yesterday. We gotta keep at this thing though.

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  2. Welcome to the sober train Ginger. I am on Day 9 today and determined to get it right this time. Best of luck. Hang tough. I will be following you and cheering you on.

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    1. Great name!!!! Well done for 9 days, good for you and keep going. Yes I have been on the train before only to stop off at a station called Moderation. Unfortunately I have missed many subsequent trains and now 9 months later I am stepping back on. I would like to follow you too, is you blog the same name?

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    2. I don't have a blog per se. I'm not very good at figuring out this "techie" stuff. But I will follow you and cheer you on.

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