Wednesday, 25 May 2016

4/100 A Good Day

Today was a good day. Today I had very manageable cravings and I was able to master my thoughts successfully. Today I used several tools I have learned along the way. Firstly thanks to Haplesshomsteader for this post Big Baby which introduced me to RAIN, which I used today during a moment of anger rather than craving. However, using this principle I was able to sit with my anger and work through the stages until I was calm again. I spoke to my boss, who is a clinical psychologist and talked through a couple of personal observations that she was then able to help me expand on and  help me recognise other layers to it. Lastly mid dog walk again I realised I was stomping around totally caught up in my head and thinking when I stopped myself and did the 10 breathes to ground and centre myself. The rest of the walk was so much better.

Many of you will have read other bloggers talk about the sober toolbox and I have only really started to come around to this. Not that I didn't think it was a good idea just it didn't really fit well with me but all change now. I don't know if it is exactly what they are recommending but I have been collecting bits and pieces of things in a folders, quotes, blog posts, beautiful pictures, a chicken scratch letter I wrote to myself when more than a little tipsy, quotespirations as I call them, and other sundry little sayings or mantras that I have collected. Now I am 46 and a little bit of a dinosaur when it comes to technology, I get a lot of it but I am stil a IRL person so..... I am going to buy a scrapbook and start gluing in all these things I have printed off. I know I could have them on tumblr or Pinterest or blah blah (I don't know any others) but I need the real life version that I can grip hold of when I am  am in the midst of a blood curdling craving. I need to sit there and turn the pages and read the words, see the pictures and understand why I have taken the time to gather this all into one place. I am hoping this will be another distraction for the time it takes to move through the feelings and emotions and make it safely to 'dry' land. How many times have I just gone "ah fuck it" and walked out the door to the shop. If I can catch myself in that split second and realise I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS then I stand a good chance at getting further along the path. This is a tough thing we deal with.

I over ate today and I am trying not to get down on myself about it. I didn't eat junk but I ate too much normal food and I know that it is all part of filling that empty hole inside that people try to ignore. In Buddhism (please someone correct me if I am wrong and my apologies if I am) they talk about hungry ghosts with massive stomachs and tiny throats that are always miserable because they are wanting wanting wanting. I am trying to create more balance in my life that I can recognise when I am having a moment like this. It takes constant awareness to stay on top of it and I know I can only do that with the alcohol right now. I am overweight I know but the immediate and pressing issue is alcohol which in turn was making me fatter quicker as I would just eat whatever I wanted.  I know both of these issues for me are linked and I am moving toward a place of understanding them and know that compassion is the way forward in dealing with them. I will take today over Wednesday last week when I had to nap at lunch as I felt so rough. Today felt like.a step in the right direction.

Today was a good day and that is all I can ask for right now.

Ginger Groundhog

p.s. Can anyone tell me who posted the video (urgh that word again) that was motivational video and had Christian Bale trying to get out of a hole/cellar/prison. It was brilliant and I thought I had emailed myself the link or at least thought I would remember who posted it. If anyone remembers or it was you please comment. Also read Ripleybelle's latest post on Forgetting!! Seems like I have it too.

9 comments:

  1. Ola, Ginger! Happy Day 4 to you. A very interesting post - I coukd have done with remembering the RAIN technique myself earlier. Love the idea of your scrapbook, something physical you can grab off the shelf and dive into when temptation strikes! Am so glad today was a good day :-) Red xx

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  2. Well done Ginger! You are practicing such good habits that will benefit you moving forward. And thanks for mentioning me! I wonder if the toolbox is the same thing as the bubble? I created my bubble on day 5 so you are right on time. Keep going! Love reading your blog!

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  3. Well done on day 4! You are doing so well. I love the idea of the scrap book. I'm not up with all this technology either and like something tangible in my hands. I have a few quotes I have written down on bits of paper stuffed in my purse. I want to find a quaint little note book to write them all in. Keep up the good work. Btw, my memory has gone awol too! Hope it's not dementia! A x

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  4. Glad today was a good day. I find just focusing on the not drinking is the all I can do. I can't have any other things to think about. Glad it was a good day. Going to walk my dogs :)

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  5. I am so very happy for you GG!!! Day 4!! That is fantastic!!! You are back in the saddle! xo

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  6. Can I make a suggestion? Why don't you start making your scrapbook on Friday night? It might be a good "tool" on a night that is hard for so many of us!

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  7. Well done on getting through day 4 - I hope today goes well too. The first week was hard for me but after that things picked up. Keep at it, you can do this x

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  8. Great post, love the scrapbook idea. Day 5 for you as I read this, I think!!! You go girl!!

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  9. I think my sober tools were
    1. Have a plan...an escape plan if at a party
    2. Think all the way to the end of the drink
    3. The good things I like when I don't drink
    4. Who I can call if I have an urge
    5. Having no drinks in the house
    6. Exercise, like walking, outside especially
    7. Meeting old drinking buddies at a coffee shop
    8. Going to a meeting for support
    9. Finding tons of people for support such as yoga teachers I love, friends, family etc
    There are more, but I can't think of them at the moment!
    Your scrapbook idea is a really good idea!!
    Way to go on day 5!!!
    xo
    Wendy

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