Saturday, 4 June 2016

14/100 A Close Call

Day 14, two weeks and I literally only scraped through. Today I had severe cravings and at 4pm I had almost accepted my fate that I would end up drinking. I was planning my story I would tell my sober friend when she arrived tomorrow. Then I would flip it around and remind myself that I signed up for the 100 days and try and think about my last night drinking and how I felt and how much better I have felt since.

On and on back and forth it went and all the while I was working around the house. At one point I could smell and taste it. I am not sure how it passed, why it passed or if I was "being strong" but somehow I survived the day including a trip to the store ( I drank a Becks Blue before I left the house)

I planned to lie to my friend also. I was going to buy a bottle of vodka but only drink half but then save the rest for Tueday night when she left and THAT would be my last drink (yet again) I plan to tell her all of this tomorrow.

I am done in. Hard work all day and the battle of the century on top of that. I'm off to bed. I am too tired to feel much right now but I think tomorrow I will feel happy or pleased that I managed to get through the day.

Ginger Groundhog

24 comments:

  1. Wow - Ginger you're amazing, you've done so well getting through that. Been through similar internal dialogue time after time and I rarely stay strong. I salute you, my friend. I'm pretty sure you'll feel extremely good tomorrow morning. Massive hugs. Red xx

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    1. I feel battered today tbh but there is a glimmer of feel good and relief that I didn't do it. I have been in that situation so many time, like you, and given in each and everytime I think I can say this is the first time I have stayed the course.

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    2. Well bloody good on you my friend!! That's a huge victory. Red xx

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  2. So proud of you.
    The hardest thing I had to do was to be honest about my drinking to my hubs.
    Once I sat in a parking lot of Target for 30 minutes, and went driving round and round until I too got tired and just went home.
    You will be so happy you can meet your friend sober!
    xo
    wendy

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    1. I feel a bit she'll shocked this morning but no overwhelming happiness. I am glad I made it but not sure if I am weepy with relief or grief that maybe this really is it and I won't drink again. Either way I was hoping for more delight. Love my some Target, I loved that store :-(

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  3. Great Job Ginger! You are doing it!! You will feel great tomorrow!

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    1. No found great yet, just acceptance this morning. I think i NEED to really thrash it out with my friend as no one I have spoken to has understood yet, except you amazing people. Hope you are doing ok.

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  4. Congratulations! You fought a hard battle and emerged victorious. You may feel mostly exhausted now but surely you will (and should) feel proud of yourself in the morning. I feel proud for you right now...and the memory of winning this time will help you next time.

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    1. Thanks SamKD. Proud? Maybe a little, I will work on that but I am honoured to have your pride on board, thank you. I hope like you say thus will strengthen the muscle for next time. I think this is the first time I have seen it through to the end

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  5. That was awesome to read! I had a helluva day and rationalized my whole drink and how it would go....and then the cloud lifted and I didnt! I wanted to tho soo bad! You go girl!

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    1. Oh HD well done to you too. You have external forces triggering the wine witch so it must be hard for you. I only have myself. You go yourself and keep strong and do the minute by minute if you have to. Remove yourself to the loo and sit down and talk to yourself. You can do it.

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  6. I know those feelings and they are exhausting, not surprised you feel rough today. I'm so glad for you that you didn't drink though. Keep at it, you can do this xx

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  7. Oh my - you and I must be on the same plane. I too struggled yesterday and seriously contemplated throwing in the towel. But like you I tried to reflect back on why I was doing this, why I HAVE to do this. And I had the same thoughts - I'll only drink half a bottle - ha! I know how that one goes, once I dip my toe in it's all or nothing. Hang tough - we CAN do this - think healthy! Think dead brain cells! Think whatever but don't go back down that rabbit hole. Big hugs.

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    1. Good analogy, it really is a rabbit hole. Sorry you had a rough day (I think they will come up now and again) Last time I quit I didn't really have many cravings which is why when I did get a biggie at 5 months I had no experience of how to get through. Use each crave as a way to strengthen that sober muscle. I hope your foot is doing ok.

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    2. Thank you for asking. It's been a week, but my foot is still throbbing. I'm not big on pain the older I get but this too shall pass. You are doing great by the way!

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  8. Well done for getting through such a massive craving Ginger! Yo will feel so much better. A x

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    1. Thanks Angie - big sigh of relief it's over.

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  9. Congratulations on day 14. The tiredness does get better x

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    1. Thanks WM feels hard to believe at the moment but I know it will.

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  10. I am so happy for you!!! Quitting is such hard work! i hate it! You got through that intense craving!!! Wishing you pink clouds all the way!! And da 14! Woohoo! xo

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    1. Oh SA53 I know what you mean it is a battle but I am sorry you are still hating it. I'd rather you have my pink cloud to float you along a bit, I'm too tired to appreciate it haha. Be strong my friend. I hope you dinner in the city went ok.

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  11. If this was easy, we wouldn't be here. You're doing great Ginger. Don't give in now. That first drink will taste great but the next 8-10 will be sour and then the massive feeling of failure and humiliation will kick in. You don't need those body blows. You want to be sober, not drunk. Nothing will be any better drunk because at some stage you will be sober and the world will be exactly the same as it was before. David Cameron will still be PM and Chris Evans will still be driving us mad in the mornings. DON'T DRINK.

    Have a great sober week and no need toil to your friend.

    Justonemore

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    1. You are so right, that is exactly how it plays out when you give in and I think I have done that so many times now I am really starting to realise it. I am happy I did have that massive craving now cos I can refer back to it next time. My friend was very understanding about it and we talked out why I felt like I did.

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