Saturday, 11 June 2016

20/100 Friday night nonchalance

Day 20 and it barely registered on my radar that it was Friday aside from the joy that comes from finishing work for the week.

I can honestly say that I don't recall having a single thought about alcohol, even when I opened a Beck's Blue it seemed unrelated to alcohol. Only on waking up today (day 21) did I realise that I hadn't given it a passing thought and even then it came from my recollection of last Saturday's climbing the walls. I think I must be on high alert to that happening again but for now I am just going along smoothly.

I have noticed that I have stopped beginning and ending every sentence with some proclamation about how tired I am, like I invented tiredness. I am still tired but it doesn't feel as overwhelming as it did the last few weeks. I am going to bed on time and sometimes early and getting a good 8 hours, last night was 9 but I guess my body needs it.

So by the end of today I will have made it to 3 weeks and that is such an achievement. Isn't there something about sober milestones 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months or is it weeks, months, years? I am hoping it is the first as that would be about 90+ days. For me this week has been relatively easy and I have caught a trigger here and there along with distorted thinking about drinking i.e. I am going to drink to punish YOU, when in fact that only punishes me. I forgot to share that the night of the fight when all was still well early in the evening, my daughter came into the living room and was looking about frantic and deranged. I asked her what was the matter and she said "are you drinking wine?" To which I replied that no of course I wasn't "why is the bottle opener on the counter? With a cork in it!" Poor girl, since I have really told her about it and how bad it made me feel she has tried to do her bit to support me. I had to explain that I don't have a beer bottle opener so have to use the one on the top of the corkscrew to open my Beck's Blue and she visibly relaxed. My mind thought 'oh god I'm screwed if I ever start again' then I had to quickly think that that wasn't going to happen.

Here's to the next 3 weeks, months and years. All milestones I intend to achieve, but only one day at a time.

Ginger Groundhog

9 comments:

  1. Ginger - you're amazing. You're doing so bloody well!! 20 days is fantastic, and I'm so glad to hear a Friday night went so smoothly. And how lovely that your daughter's support is there too. Have a great weekend, relax and recharge those batteries!! Red xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Red. The pink cloud faded a bit today and have had a lazy day feeling a bit weepy. Have hunkered down and am wearing out the Sky box, no plans to leave the house. I figure I just need to tuck myself away today. Glad to read your blog today. Hooray.

      Delete
    2. Hunkering down sounds bloody good. I say we do whatever we feel like, as long as it's not drinking. Red xx

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  2. Good for you! We told you it would get better! My original sobriety date was July 11, but 68 days later a drank to punish the cap'n (my DH) for his drinking. He'd been so proud of my sobriety, but we'd gone to MX and he was on full out party mode. So I drank. And drank. I think I almost drank myself to death to tell you the truth. It was stupid and it accomplished nothing but ruining the rest of my vacation. This is OUR journey. We can't let others knock us off the trail. Proud of you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you know better you do better. Now I KNOW that drinking directly hurts me and has impact on my daughter too. I hope next time I'm triggered I catch it the same way.

      Delete
  3. Go you Ginger!! 3 weeks almost - woot woot! And I can't even begin to count the number of times I drank to "punish" my SO - ha! How stupid was that one...I guess we use any excuse sometimes. Big hugs. xxxx ooo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seems like that is relateable to others too. Like you said it's any excuse to swan dive into [insert alcohol of choice here] Day 21 now, today and feeling washed out but no cravings so I am grateful for small mercies.

      Delete
  4. Go girl!!! Yes, it's lovely when we start forgetting to think about alcohol every second of the day. Keep going!!

    ReplyDelete