Monday, 13 June 2016

23/100 Falling Behind

Day 23 and all is well. Tonight I am just checking in with my day count as I promised I would post every to 100 and then post less frequently. I don't know how all you regular almost daily bloggers do it, I can usually come up with something but I feel I then don't have time to post on everyone else's blog.

Tonight I am going to do the rounds and read and take inspiration from all of you lovely people as I have fallen behind on checking in with new people.

Thanks for all the amazing feedback yesterday and to everyone who shared the units. I feel a bit embarrassed I didn't have the courage yesterday but was that old demon "no-one drinks as much as me, they will all be shocked at me" of course that would lead to you all hating me and abandoning me etc etc i.e. catastrophe thinking at its finest.

I would say I was firmly in the 80 units range for years with a bottle of wine a night and a little more at the weekends. When the gin/vodka crept in I was in the 100-120 per week but definitely since about March I was peaking at 150 and that I felt to be just unacceptable. Maybe I was searching for "bottom" and I think I found it. A high bottom by some accounts but clearly in the destructive drinking levels and well on the way to a DUI or accident the next day driving I am sure. The writing was on the wall, the writing IS on the wall. I am under no illusion that if I did go back to drinking and it took me as long to stop drinking as it did this time I would be a lot further down. I read somewhere that alcoholism (let's just use that word for convenience, I know a lot of you don't like it) is like an elevator that is going down and you can choose to get off before it gets to the bottom but sometimes you are ready to get off but it doesn't stop for a few floors. When the door next opens GET OFF cos you can't be sure when the next stop is and if you will still be able to get off.

Everyone who shared yesterday is very brave and very generous and without getting all mushy on you it really made me realise what a fabulous web of support there is woven through all of the various blogs. I have never felt more connected than I did yesterday and for that I am truly grateful.

Big love

Ginger Groundhog

14 comments:

  1. Big love back atchya! Great analogy about the elevator and dropping a few extra floors....sooo true!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember going to an AA meeting about 6 year and hearing it also, then I was drinking half a bottle a night and worried. So by the time I stopped this time I had descended quite a bit, quite a bit indeed.

      Delete
  2. Love the elevator imagery! You should see my tracking numbers. You inspired me to write my own post about it. I'll post it in a couple of days. See that's how we every day posters do it. We draft in advance. At least I do when the creativity is spilling out. You're doing beautifully Ginger!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooooh I can't wait to read yours. I can barely manage a post a day. I think my brain is still a bit sluggish so creativity is thin on the ground.

      Delete
  3. I can't post everyday, I can't think of enough to say. I do read and comment daily though. I love the sober blog world!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankfully it's not just me then. I love this community too.

      Delete
  4. Another back atchya! Support helps, it really does. Pretty sure I would have given in over the past few days if it weren't for the blogosphere. Love everyone but you hold a special place in my heart as "closest cohort" because our day count is practically identical.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks SamKD, likewise, we both gotta keep eachother strong.

      Delete
  5. Its the serious side of this that gets me really. Reading Red's post and yours, the reality is always very difficult to accept. I am seriously pressed to remember a Friday or Saturday night or much of the days when I could have driven a car legally and I mean going back years. Playing russian roulette on Monday mornings, it makes my hands go moist thinking about it. I think I stared into the abyss (and it is still there). Bloody frightening really.

    Justonemore

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Russian roulette on Monday is an perfect way to explain it. We are not there now and that is a good thing. Each day we have the chance to have a better day and be a better person, that is how I am viewing it.

      Delete
  6. I hate to think about how many units I drank. It was a bottle every night but sometimes more. Mostly white wine for me, but very occasionally I had bourban too. I hate to think of the damage I did to my body. Congrats on day 23! You are doing great! A x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The liver is the most forgiving organ in the body and we can only hope we stopped before the damage set it. Mine proved fine from all the tests and I think I was drinking a little more than you. Can't you sweet talk another department in your hospital into giving you a scan ha ha

      Delete
  7. Ginger you are doing so well. It is shocking when you write down the units of alcohol! I should do that as well as I am right there with you. I am going to write a post soon, just been busy, but good busy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TWTIK I have missed your posts and hope you do get time to post soon. I hope all is well in your world. Life happens doesn't it but lovely to read your comment.

      Delete