Sunday, 3 July 2016

42/100 Six weeks sober

Day 42 Which makes it another Saturday, the day when I most often have to fight every thought in my head. Well today I have set an intention to not allow that to happen. Today I will think about the positives all day only.

I am noticing very clearly just how ALL OR NOTHING my thinking, doing and living is. Maybe this is a common trait to drinkers or maybe it's just me. I got to thinking about this due to me spending the last 3 days cuddled up in bed coughing and feeling sorry for myself (maybe a touch too sorry at that) and that my life is ver feast or famine. When I do stuff around the house I throw myself in full tilt and must get things finished by such and such time, this rarely happens, but after I am done I feel exhausted and can barely do anything including the day yo day stuff. When I have overdone it for a period of time and not had enough rest for I feel like life is all a bit humdrum and not what I wanted, my body can manifest an illness that will fell me. In my family there is an expression used, because it seems to be an extended family trait, that so and so has "taken to the bed" and in my head I use it myself but not out loud to the daughter.

"Take to the bed" indicates it's all been a bit much and a complete reboot is needed. I have only been consciously aware of it for a few years but with hindsight it did happen in my younger days but not so much as now I am last 40. Seems like that is also common the the whole family. Sometimes it goes on for a couple of days other times it can be a week or so. I hate it but I also realise it is necessary for me to. but that internal struggle of 'what will people think'  and the realisation that other people outside the family don't seem to have it. Funnily enough my best friend does and she is the only one I feel completely comfortable talking to about it. That is why I think there is always a physical aspect to it because you can't just self indulgently lie in bed for days right?  I am sure there is an element of depression there too when it all becomes too much but it is hard to admit even when you work in mental health.

So I am done with this period of "take to the bed" the cough is manageable and I have stopped weeing myself when I get a major minute long coughing jag (see why I don't want to be around people) surely I can't be the only one who crosses her legs and bends in half when she coughs to avoid shame. Does this happen to men? I hasten to add I am in control 99% of the time but when I get a chest infection all bets are off.

Back to work tomorrow and I am aware I have lost my love for my job, I have that sinking feeling about it now and just hope I can power through and this is only temporary. We'll see but for now I will just have to suck it up.

Ginger Groundhog

14 comments:

  1. Well done on 6 weeks ! Brilliant stuff ! Glad you are feeling better too. We camped out in the garden last night with the kids.. first time sober in a tent for about twenty years !! So today I am tired, grouchy and moody !! Could murder a bottle of wine !! I always find the weekends harder to deal with !! I know where you are coming from with the all or nothing personality !! We are doing up our garden at the moment, and I just need to get on with it, but hubby is a laid back sort and this infuriates me when we work together... (obviously love him dearly) .. I'm also noticing that, now sober, I am a moody person !! (Before I was just a drunk person!) I am quite hormonal !! I never knew !! I've probably always have been, but it's just now I've got chance to notice it !! Lol !! Back to the gardening now then !!

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    1. This makes me feel a bit better because I have noticed recently that I am moody and I always just put it down to drinking/not drinking but now I realise I am just a moody old mare. You and your husband seem like me when I am fighting with myself about how much will I do and does it really matter if it is not done.

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  2. I love the "taken to bed" thing and I think it's fabulous. I do that sometimes on the first day of my "lady time", when I feel crampy and ill and particularly ANGRY AT EVERYONE just for being alive. I sit in my bed all day and watch TV and drink TV and avoid everyone. So I support you! Also, it reminds me of Elizabeth Bennett's mother in Pride and Prejudice.
    Anyway, well done- 6 weeks!! Keep going, you're on a roll!

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    1. Those Edwardian/Victorian ladies had the right idea spending late mornings in bed. My best friend maintains alot of good stuff happens in bed, reading a book, watching tv, daydreaming, sex, reading the Sunday papers, chatting on the phone, sleep. You are safe from the world at large. Now pass me my smelling salts.

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  3. I also love that expression...how wonderful! I will be calling it that from now on when I do it. It is usually when I am sick but I can see how a "take to the bed" day can be beneficial. I did that one Mother's Day, read a book in bed the entire day. I was ready to get going the next day. Glad you are feeling better and congrats on 6 weeks!

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    1. As we say in mental health it is a priority that self care is on the list. It is only society and this 'must be busy and productive all the time' that guilts people into carrying on past their capability.

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  4. Huzzah for six weeks! I think taking to one's bed is a fine thing when needed.

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    1. Huzzah indeed ha ha. Peaks and troughs. That's life really.

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  5. Look at you at six weeks!!! I'm very proud of you and the hard work you are doing Ginger.

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    1. Thanks Ripleybelle. Much appreciated.

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  6. Taking yourself to bed is a great thing, more people should benefit from doing exactly that. You obviously needed it these past few days regardless of the reason why. congrats o 6 weeks sober. That sounds great doesnt it xxxx

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    1. I did need it and I only wish I could find a way to recognise when it is coming on. Hindsight is usually when I go "oh right, that makes sense" I think I need a good long break from work as I think that is the stressor.

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  7. Congratulations on 6 weeks! You are amazing!! I too tend to be an "all or nothing" type gal, but I found if I set up a routine/schedule and try to stick to it, it helps with the ebbs and flow of life. I think that we became so used to drama while drinking that we need to create our own, the quiet daily life seems to boring, hence the "all or nothing" mode we tend to create. Personally for me having mini daily routines, like my coffee hour, then meditate for 30 minutes, then look at my list of things to do (including me "down time" to read, or just relax) has helped me to get into a comfortable soft groove with no major ups or downs. You are doing fabulous, feel better, stay the course. I'm so proud of you. 42 days - woot woot!!

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    1. Yay, lovely to hear from you again. Hope you are well, I did email you but not sure if you got it. How is your foot? Glad you have a good routine, think I should slow down more, I am very in the moment but in a whirling dervish way not a present way.

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