Day 46. Work better, I put my foot down and refused to take anything extra on until they review my role. Felt good to stand my ground and when my boss tried to mock me about it in front of others I asked her if she felt it was acceptable for us to treat patients and expect to not get paid for it? Because when she expects me to do work for free it is the same principle. I would never have been so bold before cos I was always worried that I would have the finger pointed at me because somehow they knew I was hungover all the time.
I confided in someone else today about not drinking, it was testing the waters really. I just mentioned I had stopped drinking for several weeks now cos I realised I, like so many others, was using alcohol as a crutch in the evening after a bad day at work. Her reaction? "Oh wow, good for you, that's amazing. Well done"
How about that for sober appreciation. She said "I get it, I sometimes drink too many beers at the weekend and feel rubbish on Monday and think why do I bother if it makes me feel like this." I think she was talking 3-4 beers not 30-40 but still it made me pleased to get such a rewarding response. I passed it off as I was feeling so much better without it that I didn't see any point in having a few but the cautiously added "anyway I think if I did have a few I would just be back to a bottle like so many others and I am over that"
Part of me felt like I should have owned it a bit more but there are so many potentially negative responses to stopping drinking I didn't want to make it seem like too much of a problem and get the look that indicates you are 'one of those drinkers'. This was just dipping my toe in the telling people water and this felt suitable and right for now. A small step but still a step.