Tuesday, 12 July 2016

51 & 52/100 Good Busy

Today is day 52 and I am still feeling good and motivated. I was so busy last night reading everyone else's blog and preparing for my sister's visit that I just forgot to post. This is all new to me, being busy and doing something other than plopped on the couch sipping glugging wine that I haven't quite got the timings right. I cant get everything done I want and still feel like I have a life.

My sister arrives on Thursday and this is her first visit to my house. Since we have reconciled we have kept in contact and we seem so much stronger than before. Because we only met for the first time when I was 30 and she 32, we don't have a shared past so we have only have the recent years on which to base our relationship and several of those were tainted by my family giving her a very biased PoV of me (always been the black sheep) and the fact that I can get very defensive when caught on the back foot. It was the wrong combination of bad and it soured our blossoming relationship for several years. We are both bigger and better people now thank goodness.

Thoughts of alcohol are quite far from my mind and today I didn't even think about anything until 4pm when I thought "I haven't thought about drinking today". It did change later when the daughter and I had a big old fight and when I took the dogs out I stomped around the field fantasising how I would drink at her to show her (duh!! Stupid thought alert) luckily that was all it was a stupid thought that I didn't really have any intention of following through on. I was even more annoyed because for once I was actually the grown up in the argument!

This weekend will be the first time I will have alcohol in the house since I quit. I am not bothered or worried about it because fortunately my sister drinks Prosecco and that is not my thang at all. I plan to tell her that I am unable to drink due to a medical thing so she doesn't bring me wine but I do plan to tell her when she is here the real reason. I am alert to the fact that once the alcohol is poured it might be a bit of a trigger but I also have no desire or cravings today. My daughter will be here to be by my side but overall I am feeling confident about it. My best friend has offered to be on the end of the phone if I start to go crazy. I have just paused to check in with myself how I feel when I think about a glass of red and I felt very neutral and no desire to indulge.

I am considering plans for the future to get out there a bit more and do stuff. Our local cinema has movie night for £5 on Mondays so I might go to that and then one night/day I would like to go swimming. I used to be an excellent swimmer but it has fallen by the wayside. Last but not least I would like to lose enough weight to be able to horse riding again, it was a love of mine but I am too porky to get on a horse these days. So those are some sober goals I want to work toward. Baby steps, baby steps.

Ginger Groundhog


18 comments:

  1. Baby steps are perfect. You eventually get to you destination!
    It's really good you realize you want to drink at someone. I know I occasionally get those kids of thoughts. And I know I will be the one who gets hurt, so I don't follow through.
    Self awareness is key!
    Great job! Good luck with your sister. I find complete honesty helps me. That way I'm never inthe back foot. I know my feet are planted.

    Anne

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    1. I am very much trying to stay aware as I realise it is when my thinking goes awry my good intentions follow.

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  2. You are progressing so nicely. I am almost jealous. In a good way! :) Staying busy helps me too. Except for me, busy helps but doesn't prevent me from still thinking about drinking or not drinking.

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    1. i remember reading everyone's blogs wondering why they could do it and I couldn't and then this time I kept doing the one minute, one hour, one day thing that I had read a million times and it actually got me past the major craving days. You just have to keep trying and one day it will stick.

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  3. You're doing great Ginger. I hope you enjoy your sisters visit. I have a half sister whom I met when I was 23 and she was 26. She was in our lives for a number of years until she decided she didn't want to be around us anymore. She lives overseas now and we have no idea where she is. It's very sad. I'm glad you are getting on well with yours. Congrats on day 52! A x

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    1. That is sad Angie but you never know, she may come back round again later. Age mellows us all and I had to eat a big old slice of humble pie to get back into my sister's life. Doing that prevented me from making contact for a long time. I hope she will realise one day and come back into your life, if it is meant to be

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  4. You are doing great to get prepared for what could happen when your sister arrives. Well done!

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    1. So far so good, no cravings at all. Phew!

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  5. I hope you get everything sorted and that you're relaxed when your sister arrives. As far as your plans go, I hope you can find a nice pool and go swimming, swimming is the best! xx

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    1. No swimming yet but I see it in my future. Maybe in the sea if I can persuade my daughter to watch in case I drown, bit out of practice.

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  6. I would go get around a horse sooner rather than later. Their whole spirit is so healing.....hence why there are now so many therapy programs involving horses. You love it? Get back to it! So great you are looking at new things to do again!

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    1. As Justonemore says I just have to find a bigger horse ha ha. I am keen to do new things which itself is a new thing.

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  7. Hi Ginger!
    I am glad you get to see your sister!
    And telling her about not drinking is the best. Being SUPER honest with people has really helped me not drink.
    I HATE swimming, and I am afraid of horses!
    LOL
    But I am so glad you are seeing ways to get out.
    It took me three years to get myself out, so you are doing great!!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. I feel very calm about telling her and we had a laugh last night when she assumed I was drinking beer. Didn't want to scare her into thinking it was going to be a boring weekend. No craving at all even when I was handing out the Prosecco.

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  8. Find a bigger horse for fucks sake. Look at John Wayne, although he was a bit of a drinker (actually, he was a lot of a drinker) so don't follow that!! I was disappointed that 100 plus days didn't do much for my waistline so about 2 months ago, I stopped most carbs and upped the exercise and am now down about 8KG - still struggling with the waistline but my butt is smaller. Don't try it until you have got the booze thing under some sort of control. We do this because we want to be sober primarily - the rest just suits my miserable personality at the moment; sort of a hair shirt thing. I would tell your sister up front, now that you are not drinking. Don't tempt fate. My colleagues went out last night - I didn't go - a shame but they all looked like shit this morning so nothing missed there. Anyway, go swimming tomorrow. Go find a riding stables with a docile cart horse. Don't let your sister bring any wine!!!

    Justonemore

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    1. Ha ha yes ok will look for a cart horse to lug me around. I have lost about 7 lbs just from not drinking, nothing else but that was probs just BLOAT. Sister did bring wine but white wine so no trigger at all. Feel really good about the visit.

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  9. Enjoy your sister! Sending all good thoughts your way.

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