Day 79 and I am feeling very insular. Not much to say for myself.
Here is what I have been grateful for recently.
1. Becks Blue. Had a weekend full of cravings and feelings of missing out. I know it is all very ridiculous and I feel like I am always struggling with cravings. Becks Blue are just the panacea I need to help me over the hurdle each night.
2. Work has started on my house and it looks like it is going to take time but will be beautiful.
3. Awareness. I have realised that despite my constant moaning and complaining I am having certain realisations and observations about myself but I don't currently have the capacity, energy or motivation to share here. This is in stark contrast to the early days when I was so open to sharing everything and anything that you are lucky I didn't share my bathroom routine.
4. Mysterious forces! I figure I should thank whatever, whoever, how ever forces that are keeping the distance between me and chucking it all in. I have spent countless hours mulling over why I haven't just acted on my cravings and thrown it all away and I don't know why this time it's different but something is anchoring me to not drinking. It is a mystery to me cos sometimes I am writing my 'I drank' post as I am getting on with my day.
5. Sleep. I have reverted back to the early days when I couldn't get enough sleep. As many of you have commented, I may have PAWS because the fatigue is overwhelming. I feel beaten as soon as I get out of bed and take my first few steps. Maybe it is the constant shall I/shan't I conversation that plays out in my head from about 9am- 8pm. 8pm cos then it is too late to drink as much as I want and still be able to drive the next day. INSANITY!!!
Old timers - Question. Am I crazy? I feel like every day is a constant fight with my thoughts and I feel worn out by it and so grumpy that all I seem to do is moan here about how bad I feel. Am I my own worst enemy? Should I shut up? Is this normal or even normal for me. Should I just shut the hell up and only post when I have something good to say?