Thursday, 26 October 2017

Day 5 - a looooooong day

Day 5 and I am shattered tired. All the anxiety, build up, revising, worrying, stress and trying not to drink have taken it out of me. An early night is in my immediate future.

Interview went well and I think I did well, I think I did really well but the fear is eating me up. 

Speaking of eating, me who uses food as an emotional coping strategy was unable to eat due to anxiety which is UNHEARD of for me. Normally I'd be eating anything and everything not tied down to cope with anxiety. Not sure what cosmic switch was flipped but it shone a light on how much I reach outside myself to try and cope. All day I wanted to eat and thought about food but was physically unable to consume it. I was in psychological distress realising my brain was "starving" for relief but my body was not playing by the rules. Suddenly I was forced to cope with things the way non addicted people do, feel things and not try and dampen down emotions with food, alcohol, cigarettes or pick your own maladaptive coping strategy.

My daughter stopped home from Uni for the night so we went out and indulged in KFC and I felt not an ounce of guilt eating it which was another first. I even stopped before I was full. Okay, that bit is a lie, I ate the lot.

Tomorrow could go either way re food while I am waiting to hear if I have been successful or not. I will try and be a bit mindful what I am hungering for to see if it is hunger or stress. Either way I need to find out tomorrow about the job or I will have a very long weekend of worry. Fingers crossed for me please.

I'm off to sleep now as I need this day to be done.

Ginger Groundhog

3 comments:

  1. Fingers crossed here too! Great job on Day 5!

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  2. Don't worry about the eating for now. Just focus on not drinking. I'm here if you want to talk to someone in person ok? xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks HFC I may well be in contact, gonna hunker down this weekend and not think it worry about work.

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