Sunday, 4 February 2018

Ginger - aka The Vodka Hostage

Ugly as it is I have decided to catch you all up with where and how I am in the hope that it may spur me onto success.

If drinking is an elevator that descends each time you drink, then I have gone down a fair few more floors. Someone said once that you never know when the elevator will stop next and open the door to let you out and that is where I am now, waiting to get off.

I have not managed more than 4 days sober since November and I am very aware how things are slipping like housework, gardening, filing paperwork and bills,  even the dogs are getting shorter walks. I spend the mornings despairing of myself and vowing this is it, I'm done with drinking only to have a personality transplant mid afternoon to someone who thinks its not so bad as morning me makes out. It is the same lament you will read on countless other blogs from those like me, trying to get over the initial hurdle of 10 days or even 4 days in my case.

I am down but not defeated. I have done it before and somewhere deep down I am pretty sure I can do it again although there is a persistent voice that taunts me that I may have gone too far this time and I am doomed to die from alcohol. That voice needs to talk to me in the afternoon when the chirpy delusional  "moderate drinker" voice is convincing me that it's not that bad.

So once more I am going to try, try, try to throw myself into sober life again. Tomorrow I shall leave every card in my wallet at work or better still drop it to my friends house and force her to come grocery shopping next Saturday as chaperone. I feel pretty sure that if I can just get to a certain point I will remember how good not drinking feels and how so totally worth it it is.

Congrats to anyone that has made it through Dry January and still going strong like 'Putting Down the Glass' (can't do the link for some reason.)

Look for a post tomorrow evening and a sincere thank you to anyone who comments over and over again on my day 1, 2, 3, 4, posts. There are many episodes like that and many of you have been tireless cheerleaders over the past few years, not just to me but to countless others.

 Justonemore- I saw your comment and would love to hear how you are doing.

That's all for today folks and I will accept any prayers, spells, superstitious behaviours, voodoo, incantations, you name it, to help me get both on the right track and bloody well stay on it.

Ginger - The Vodka Hostage

18 comments:

  1. I'M SO HAPPY TO YOU HAVE POSTED! Yes you can do it. I just replied to the comment you left me saying the same thing. You can restart. You have us all cheering you on. I know only too well how easy it is to have a complete change of mind between morning and late afternoon. It never ceases to amaze me how I can do a complete backflip and all my vows to not drink tonight are replaced by what a good idea it would be to have a drink tonight (just the one haha).

    Please get off the elevator, I think the door is opening. Pour the vodka down the drain. Stock up on your non alcoholic replacement drink.

    I will pray to the universe for you. Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks PDTG that helps to read. I think I heard the elevator 'ting' so hopefully this is my floor.
      Well done you, I shall be happy to follow in your footsteps as you lead the way.

      Delete
  2. Welcome back, Ginger! You were missed. I relate to everything you said. That wicked afternoon voice (ugh) needs to know who's the boss. I signed up for Dry January then caved after 5 days. So here I am back on 'day 5' for the umpteenth time. This is our floor to get off. Let's make this happen! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Joni umpteenth time means you're still trying. Thanks for saying I was missed, that's lovely to hear. I am not sure what happened to my plans for Dry January but they didn't last 5 days. Yes we do need to get off, it only keeps going down.

      Delete
  3. Sending you my very best wishes. On Day 91 here. I drink grape juice and eat cheese and crackers at wine o'clock and it has been working for me!! Also remembering advice that the cravings usually only last for 30 minutes or so, so I try to distract myself. I am worth it and so are you!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mere. I'm glad you have your wine o'clock replacements sorted, I have my Becks Blue in but somehow it seems too cold to drink it. Not sure how vodka on the rocks differs as that is colder but maybe it was the alcohol that warmed me.
      Well done on day 91, that is really good going, well done you.

      Delete
  4. Hey Ginger, day 5 here as well. You can do this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well done HD 5 days looks awesome from where I am standing. Keep it up, we just gotta keep plugging away at it.

      Delete
  5. I hope and pray that you get the momentum to get going again. You and your blog have been instrumental in making me believe I can do this, and finally I am getting somewhere. There's so much love and support for you out there. Let's do this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a lovely comment to read, thank you. Yes I do want to do this, more so since reading everyone's lovely comments and doing another post myself. There is something to be said in immersing yourself in the blogosphere and getting inspiration. 5 days is my short term goal, yes very short term but I haven't made 5 days in a while. Baby steps.

      Delete
  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sorry, our different blogs aren’t jiving! I’ll repost because my original just vanished when I tried to edit! I too have relapsed and it is part of the process for some of us. It adds a layer of complexity to an already complex problem. It really has helped me to read of your experiences and of others - relapse is tough on us. I think any AF Day is worth keeping track of and over time they can accumulate and even outbalance the drinking days. It takes the pressure off that awful feeling of “Day 1” over and over again. Hugs xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I hate losing a comment when it won't post.
      Sorry you've had a relapse too, that sucks. I like what you say, I do get VERY caught up in the day 1 and counting and am guilty of thinking I "lost" those 454 days (or whatever it was) when in fact I was sober those days so the should count for something. Hurrah for Coffee doesn't count days and views the bigger picture of only 3 or 4 drinking days in one year.
      As for complex layers, I feel buried by them right now.

      Delete
  8. I am so glad to hear from you, Ginger! SO happy you are back!!
    xoxoxo
    Wendy

    ReplyDelete
  9. So glad you are back!!! Get off the elevator and take the stairs!!!! Keep climbing Ginger!!!! xo

    ReplyDelete
  10. SO GLAD TO SEE YOUR POST TODAY!!

    I've missed you. I wish I had of the number of things you wrote above to help you, unfortunately, I don't, or I would have all ready used them on myself. So thus, I'm sending you my prayers and good vibes!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ginge, having trouble commenting but all OK here. Still AF and stacking up the days again.

    Justonemore

    ReplyDelete
  12. So glad you're back! So very glad!

    ReplyDelete