Monday, 5 February 2018

Today - Done!

I'm home safe and sound and sober. It's 19:28 and I am tucked up in bed with tea and chocolate and the satisfaction of today being done and over. 

Today I had a few vague flickers of drinking thinking but so fleeting they hardly count. What I did think over and over though was "I NEVER want to drink again". Not in that hangover way that says never again, just today I genuinely never want to drink again. Now I realise I have had these thoughts before and ended up drinking, heck I went 15 months and ended up drinking BUT at the time of the thought and as I type this now, I truly feel that in my soul.

Another feeling that has made itself known today is shame, yes our old favourite can be relied upon to show up when in fact courage and hope would be far more welcome visitors. I thought to myself I hope there is an opportunity to come back in another life cos I have wasted 20 years of this one either trying to control my eating or trying to control my drinking and certainly not enjoying the ride. What a waste indeed! When I think of so many people who's life has been cut short through illness or accident and I have selfishly being trying to avoid whatever it is I am trying to avoid by funnelling food or booze down my neck - it is SO stupid and no way to live at all.

I'm stopping this post now as I am talking myself into anger and the futility of it all which ironically leads me to thinking what's the point, I may as well drink. 

If like me, you didn't drink today then give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. We gotta turn this thinking around people, less self condemnation and a lot more praise. 

Ginger 


10 comments:

  1. I am so happy you are back.
    I had the same split personality thinking you do...and it kept me in the pit of drinking and me for many years.
    Freedom is available. Just don’t drink today.
    I’m cheering you on!
    Anne

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  2. Me too! What Anne said!
    Hug, cheer, and you can do this!!
    xo
    Wendy

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  3. Good for you! I am reading Kick the Drink - Easily by Jason Vale. It was recommended because of its positive "vibe." I am liking a lot of it...Mere

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  4. That is so great! Never mind the past, no point crying over spilt milk, as they say. The future is looking bright. If you never want to drink again, chances are you never will. Hope and courage will show up for you.

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  5. Don’t beat yourself up with shame! Everybody has their “stuff” - but lots of people don’t own up to it. I commend you on being insightful and honest around yours and also bravely sharing it here where it’s helping lots of us! I’m excited to hear about your “I Never Want to Drink Again Voice!” It sounds super strong and I wouldn’t want to meet it in a dark alley!

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  6. Hi Ginger, if it means anything I don't think you're selfish at all and I know you feel like you've wasted time but I feel like you're just learning like the rest of us. Reading your blogs I actually think you're pretty damn brave. Take good care of yourself PMNM xxx

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  7. I agree with all of the above. You are back and not drinking that's all that matters. You've got this! Hugs from across the pond. x

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  8. Ginger, I am so glad you are back! You have been missed. Well done on Day 2. You can do this!

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  9. Ginger.... we are here, thinking good thoughts for you, emanating love, care, and peace to you as you navigate your path.

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  10. I see and hear many similarities in myself. I think a key point was that you recognized the anger in the post and stopped. That is crucial to continue on rationally. From an outside perspective that is a big step.
    I enjoy your writing, please continue! : )

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